Take It Off Of Mute
by Tashe'QueenOfTheWorld
Summary: Kagome 'Akito' is mute. She's constantly lied to, and even though she doesn't believe it all, she believes enough of it to make her life feel even worse. But can InuYasha get her to open up for the first time in years? InuKag...
1. Angst Ridden

It's not that I feel pain at every single moment in my life. It was just a most of the time affair. The pain I feel is so terrible, simple words come to my mind as despicable, putrid thoughts, always aimed to hurt my fragile soul. I wasn't meant to live a life that is full. God didn't intend for me to love or be loved. Hell, I bet even God doesn't love me. But then again, he possibly does. But I should avoid speaking to him for a while… seeing as I just used Hell and God in the same sentence.

The day I was born, my mother rejected me. She said I was just a reminder of the horrible man that did this to her. I guess when a female is raped at the age of 18 and has a baby, she feels like giving it up is the only way to suppress the horror filled memories of the terrible man, and to keep money in their pocket. It's not like I_ needed_ her or anything. That's what she thought, anyways. The kits of a fox depend on their parents to help them get around, being born with their eyes sealed shut. The kits of a beaver can swim on its own the day after birth, but cannot protect itself from predators, and lives with its parents for two years. A human baby is born with a natural attachment to its mother, and needs her protection, because even if she hates the thought of that child, no one on Earth could protect that child more than its mother.

_But I didn't need her or anything._

I didn't have time to 'attach' to my mother. As soon as I came from her womb, she passed out all together, and I was taken off to be tested. Apparently I was too small, and my acid reflux was an obvious disorder. The doctors looked over the tests and decided I was going to be okay. So then I was sent to the orphanage, where all hell let loose, and my mind became the numb hollow it is today.

Oh yeah, my name, by the way, is Kagome Akito. My real last name is Higurashi, but I dread the thought of sharing my mothers last name, so I changed mine. I was adopted, but the family that adopted me is really poor. They can barely afford the rent and food each month. I try to help them, because they love me so much… But both my new found mother and father are starting to pass away. Their bodies are too frail. Once they pass on, I'll be back in the orphanage. No one is left of their family, seeing as mother isn't able to reproduce, and everyone else had passed on long ago. I'd hate to see them leave, but through out my life I've been in and out of schools and homes so much, it doesn't affect me like it used to.

I go to a public school, but I have no friends. I'm a mute. I only talk in the sweet solitude of my mind. No one knows what I feel. I wear all the black clothes I can find at our small house, and I scare people by staring at them. But with my vow to be mute, I can't defend my name. I don't really feel the need to defend it, anyways. It isn't my real name, to begin with.

People say I would be beautiful if I actually groomed myself, and started to speak. But with the income my family has, I can't even afford a brush. My hair is pitch-black and stops at my mid-back. It remains un-brushed most of the time because my family can't afford anything to help groom ourselves. I'm fairly short, I'd say, and terribly skinny. I never really eat because once again, it can't be afforded. I wear black when I can, but my school does have a school uniform. I only own one, where everyone else at school owns a uniform for every day of the week. My eyes are chocolate spheres filled with loneliness and sadness. They used to be happy eyes. But that happiness died.

I'd tell you what it was that happened to me… But I don't like to speak about my personal life so soon off… In due time, everyone might know what really happened. But until then, I'm the solitary mute girl that no one understands.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I walked down the road quickly, emotionless, heading toward school. It was the normal routine for me, so there was no reason to get all excited.

_'oooohhhhh I love school!'_ Stupid preps. They lie just so they can kiss the teachers asses and get good grades. I don't normally judge people, or stereotype them… but the preps at my school were seriously hopeless. They're under the impression that they can kiss up to people all the time and actually survive life.

There was no reason to get all depressed about it, either.

_'I'm so ridiculed. I think I should go and listen to my Hawthorne Heights and slit my wrists.'_ Stupid Emos. They get depressed for no reason at all. They think they can run off and slit their wrists every time someone walks past them and says'What a dork, that guy looks like a girl'. Life can't go that way. It's stupid.

Of course I'm left in a stereotype all my own. _That strange mute girl that glares at people that look at her._ Jeez, you'd think I have HIV or something.

I sighed and walked on to school.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Everyone, you need partners! This science project is very important to your grade! Make sure you like your partner!"

Ms. Kagura's class… of course… Even if I am expected to pay attention, I don't think I can possibly muster the strength to stay awake in her class. Sure, she's beautiful, but damn she has to be the most boring teacher that ever existed. Science is boring without the teacher already. But get a teacher like her, and Science becomes duller than my pencil after the SAT's. Terrible analogy, I know, but it works.

"Get your partner this instant, ms. Akito!" My head shot up at the sound of my fake last name, as I fluttered my eyes and realized that I needed a partner. I stood up and walked to the corner of the room and stood there, waiting for someone to come to me saying they needed a partner.

No one came after five minutes.

Seven minutes.

10 minutes.

FINALLY!

The new guy at our school had walked to the back and asked me if I needed a partner. I nodded my head and sighed and sat down. I knew he was watching me from behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back.

Not that it really mattered. It wasn't out of love, simply him analyzing me. I am his Science partner, after all.

Nothing more could possibly come from that. Duh.

I could feel my heart twinge at that thought, as if it wanted more. It wasn't feelings for him. It was just a part of me feeling unloved. I craved love… I lust for love. But I'll never have it.

I'm just the poor, mute girl who was rejected by her mother after birth.

There wasn't enough love in the world for it to come around to me. My yearning for it is in vain… but alas, I still strive for it… Soon I'll lose my mind to it. Why does God torture the mind this way? Does he enjoy watching this?

No. God's purpose is to get us to want love and to want to love… He doesn't enjoy our suffering… But he enjoys it when we realize there is love in the world for us all. All of us except me, that is.

I sighed and stood up when the bell rang and walked out of the class. One boring class down. Now it's just seven more classes. ………………………………………………………………………………………………

Suddenly, as I went outside, thoughts flooded my mind.

One topic that would leave my mind… was my mom… and the man that raped her…

He was tall, dark, un-shaved, and she didn't know him. He just saw her on the street, pulled her behind a dumpster, and raped her.

That's what you thought, isn't it?

Well that's not how it happened. It hardly ever happens like that.

The night it happened… she was sitting on her bed… Innocent as could be at age 17… Her dad walked into her room and locked the door… and in a hoarse voice he spoke to her.

He was drunk.

He took her and raped her right there… on the bed… in her room…

And yet she can still accuse _me_ of being the thing that would remind her of him… Even though she had to go through with it two more years until she moved… seeing him… Hating him… secretly wanting him… because she started to lust for love as I do… and she thought that was love…

I shook the thoughts away at the bell signaling class time.

After all…_ I am the mute girl who lusts after love, glares at people who look at her, and whose father is her grandfather._ ………………………………………………………………………………………………

Math class isn't any better than Science. Not when your teacher is Kaede. She couldn't make things seem fun, even if she tried. This school is entirely screwed over. The teachers could at least _try_ to speak in expressive voices other than monotone.

I stare at the door and see a shadow move past it. Apparently something is going on. I watch as the door opens to reveal the Vice Principle. Kaede walked over to him and asked him what he was seeking in her class. She nodded her head and then turned to us.

"Ms. Akito. Go with him. He has some news."

I didn't know what he could possibly have to say, but at least I knew it wouldn't be anything way too bad. Nothing compared to what I already endured in life, anyway.

"Ms. Akito… I am sad to report to you that your foster parents… have passed away today. They couldn't hold on any longer, and they were placed into the hospital to try to treat them. It didn't work out."

I couldn't move.

My body was stiff.

_They can't be dead… They're my life…_

I stared at him blankly, nothing registering in my mind, even when he reached his hand out and held my hand in his and hugged me and told me that everything was going to be alright.

I couldn't feel anything.

And that's the day… _I died_.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

My feet walked without my brain controlling them, slowly to the hospital. It seemed they had become accustomed to walking that direction. I had to see them. Before the plans were made for their funeral.

I just wish I would have had the money for their coffins to make it a nicer funeral. They weren't going to be placed in the fancy coffin with mahogany wood for the frame, and the silk and satin interior. No, the bodies of the kindest people in my life were going to be placed in scratchy, brown, splintered wood cases.

It's not what I want… But it's all I can afford…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I guess I knew it would come… I knew they would pass away… and I'd be back in the dreaded orphanage…

I still remember the place well… That might have been the problem. I still remember the teacher that I hated.. the teacher that filled my heart and soul with fear…

**Flashback: **_"You, little Kagome, are a runt. You're good for nothing, no matter what the other teachers say! You piss me off well." A loud, piercing sound is heard, and then a thump from a body hitting the floor. "I don't think you're done not listening to me." _

_"You sicken me…" _

_"Kagome, you don't know what the term 'you sicken me' truly means, so why would I care about your fake feelings?"_

**Present:** I guess the memories won't go away… This place is horrible… And the food… is undercooked… What can I do about this? ………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ms. Kagura, about my partner… why doesn't she talk at all?" Ms. Kagura glanced at the teenager.

"She's a mute… She leads a horrible life… It would be wise if you simply do your project and stay out of her life. No one can help her."

"But I want to… I'm not sure why, but something keeps telling me to keep trying to help people like her…"

"Do as you please, I'm not your keeper, InuYasha Saitou."

"That's a good thing, because I fear if you were, I'd be dead by now."

Kagura glared at him and told him to get out and he smirked and walked out.

"I'm going to help that girl… Kagome Akito…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Possibly it was the fact that I had stolen a gift my friend had for another friend from her in 2nd grade that landed me into the worst life situation possible… But when I imagine that being the problem, I realize that it can't be the reason my life is like this… because if it was, my mom wouldn't have rejected me. She would have accepted me.

This barren place that us abandoned kids called home was terribly cold. The rooms were cold, the beds were cold, the food was cold, the walls were cold, the staff, they were all cold. All they really needed to do was change the name of the _Orphanage to The Cold Auditorium of Tortured Souls_, and then it would no longer be false advertisement. I mean, I'm so depressed here, but the name of this orphanage is _A Happy Place for Sad Children._

Bitch, please.

I guess the only thing I really have going for me is my sarcastic attitude… It keeps me from falling down and dieing each day… It's a gift from God, even if it is a very small one. That's how he was looking out for me, I guess. If he does look out for little old me. Damn, the way I'm acting, you'd think that I'm one of those Emos. I'm not, but I'm just getting so emotional. But look at my life. You'd understand, wouldn't you? Maybe not…

Maybe my life isn't as bad as I think it is…

But all I know for sure is, it seems really bad to me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

My mind was willing enough to take the torture of returning to school with everyone staring at me oddly. They all knew. They could tell. I'm easy to read, even if I don't talk. Bullies love teasing me. They can tell if I'm hurt by my face. I don't talk, so my expressions speak loud and clear.

"Class, today you must get with your partners and being work!"

Ms. Kagura was always so enthusiastic. How… nice…

I watched as InuYasha walked toward me slowly and sighed. I wonder if he knows I'm mute. If he's spoken to Ms. Kagura, then he probably does. She tells everyone she can possibly tell about it.

"Hello Kagome. My name is Inuyasha. I know, I know. You don't talk. I'm just telling you what you should know." He smiles at me. That has to be a first. Only my foster parents ever smiled at me.

So I smile back.

I can tell by his eyes that he's glad he got me to smile. He seems like he's trying to help me feel better about myself.

He's actually pretty good at it.

"Kagome, how will I communicate with you?" I looked at him. He was trying hard. So I let my guard down for him. I wanted a friend, after all.

I took out a journal and handed it to him. He stared at it. I sighed and took it back from him and took out my pencil and wrote in it.

_We can communicate through this. I'll write what I think. You tell me what you think._

He smiled.

"Smart idea."

I think I like him already.

My heart doesn't love him. I can't love anyone. Never again.

I got so caught up in my thoughts, when he touched my arm, it scared me and I jumped like the sissy I am.

"Sorry to scare you Kagome, but I was wondering if you have any ideas for the reptile to use?"

I grabbed the notebook.

_How about a lizard_.

InuYasha smiled.

I could tell he was trying.

"That would be perfect. If it's what you want." I nodded my head and couldn't help but smile at him. He was making me feel good. About everything.

So I sat there.

With a dumb looking smile upon my face.

And for the first time…

I _liked_ it.

_**Short chapter, I know… but I had to post it! So yeah! I new story… sorry… Hehe… Well… Please review!**_


	2. Saved And Returned

Agh… I hate mornings. But nothing could be worse than a morning here at the orphanage. I mean, as soon as I opened my eyes, the fat, ugly face of my caretaker came to view, which made me jump out of my bed onto the hard floor. But of course, the hard floor, compared to my bed, is like one of those huge, fluffy mattresses that they advertise with stuffed animals, like lambs.

Pitiful, ain't it?

She started to yell at me about waking up too late, and then explained to me in full detail about how she understands that I'm used to being babied, and that I probably need time to adjust to this new life.

She apparently didn't know me from before. Even though I'm not that hard to remember.

"_Kagome, come here this instant!"_

"_what did I do this time?"_

"_Why did you slap her?" The teacher eyed Kagome in disgust._

"_Oh. She made fun of me because I don't play with dolls like the rest of the girls." The teacher got angrier._

"_Why aren't you normal? You are so odd! This has to be fixed! But you're to young for me to send you to the correctional facility!" _

_Kagome shrugs and looks at the girl. The girl is smirking._

"_I don't think it's me you need to worry about." Kagome starts to walk off, but the teacher grabs her arm._

"_Where do you think you're going?"_

"_What the hell are you bitching about now?"_

_The teacher gasps and slaps Kagome so hard, the bruise appears in seconds._

Always the mischievous one… that was me. I wasn't afraid of anyone. Especially not the teachers. They were my least worries.

I got through that incident when my old foster parents came by and fell in love with me. They claim my solemn eyes called out to them.

I think it was simply my foster mom's dieing maternal instinct that told her… 'That's the one'. I feel bad for some of the things I said to them before, now that I think about it.

I wasn't a little girl. But when I went entirely mute, I became a horrible person.

I decided to become mute about five years ago. Yes, I haven't heard my voice in forever, I know. My reasons, I still chose to keep locked up, but everyone will probably find out soon.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I sit and wait in Science class. Apparently my partner isn't on time. I stare at the other people, laughing with their friends and what not, totally avoiding the project all together.

I glance at Ms. Kagura and see her sitting at her desk, ignoring it all, even though she obviously hears it because every time someone says a 'wordy dird' she jumps and glares at them. What a teacher. Isn't there a new rule that every time a teacher hears a student swear, they have to send them to the office? Guess it never crossed her mine, eh?

But it only crossed mine because all I have to speak to is my friend, the brain.

I stare as a girl walks up to me and smiles.

"Hi Kagome! My friend over there", she points, "likes you!"

I glance at him and roll my eyes. They know I can't speak, so they tease me in every way possible.

"Well? Don't you like him too? I mean seriously, he _is _Miroku, isn't he? What girl doesn't like him?"

A girl comes up to us.

"I don't like him."

The other girl rolls her eyes, copying me.

"You don't like him because he doesn't give you the attention he gives the other girls."

The girl that doesn't like Miroku glances at me and then looks at her.

"If I cared, I'd be like you lifeless morons, following him for the attention. He's to much of a pervert for any girl to _honestly _handle."

The other girl gives her 'the face'. You know? The look that girly girls give people when they get mad, because they think it actually _intimidates _them.

I've seen this look many times.

All it ever did to me was make me want to make them mad some more.

The girl walks off and the girl who has no feelings for Miroku sits beside me.

"The girls here are so stupid. I'm sorry if she bothered you."

I look at her with a 'no problem' look and sigh.

"You're the mute girl, aren't you?"

I look at her.

I told you everyone knew me by 'the mute girl'.

I nod my head and pull out a note book.

_I prefer it if I'm not called that. But yeah, basically._

She reads it and smiles.

"I'm sorry. What's your name, then?

_Kagome._

"Ah! Such a lovely name! My name is Sango." She holds out her hand. I'm not sure what to do. I know, you're supposed to shake the hand, but I mean… can I trust her hand? Does it mean I'm obligated to be her friend, and possibly end up talking again? Is she a witch that will _curse _me?

It was after that thought that I decided I'm being ridiculous. If anyone's a witch, it's me.

So I conformed and reached my hand out and shook her hand.

She smiles.

What's with her and InuYasha, smiling all the time?

I don't smile back this time. But I feel bad for not. It's just.. after this morning, my day just couldn't manage to get better, so mustering up that strength was going to be hard.

But maybe… Just maybe… This girl could make a difference in my life.

So I conformed again.

A simple smile… can do such wonderful things.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I managed to see InuYasha at school when lunch time came around. Apparently he was at the doctors.

Not that I hold a grudge at the fact that he wasn't at Science. I just didn't feel complete not talking to my 'acquaintance'. Oh wait… Have I really forgotten that I never talk?

I shiver and walk out the doors of the school. Scary thought…

Then I realize that school wasn't over… and I got caught for ditching.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The office. Such a familiar place for me. I can just imagine what it will be like when my caretaker gets here.

_Kagome Akito, I've told you so many times that you must learn!_

That's their line that they give every time one of their 'kids' gets out of line at a school. They think it makes them look better.

As if.

PTA wouldn't take them in, even if they _did _have real kids at this school. Hell, I wouldn't allow them to set foot in my school for any reason.

I stop thinking and stare when my caretaker walks in.

"Kagome Akito. She's such a hassle."

I glare.

It's not _my _caretaker. It's my old one. The one I _dread. _

The reason I'm how I am now.

So I look at the ground. I know something bad will happen to me if I get caught glaring. Something worse then what's going to happen now.

If you knew what she had done to me long ago, you'd think I'm such a baby. It's not that bad. I know dogs who are treated worse. But still… For a little human girl, it causes so much pain.

True, when I became mute, I lived with my foster parents. But she had often visited. She would sometimes have me stay at the orphanage because my old friend there said she wanted to hang out with me. Of course when I went there I never once saw my friend. I only heard her.

I shiver at the thought and my ex caretaker notices and walks to me and bends down to whisper in my ear.

"Still afraid of me?"

I glare at her.

I could lie and say I'm not… But she can _smell _my fear.

So I nod my head and glare at her.

She laughs and stands back up.

"You're weak." She smiles at me. It's not like the other smiles. It's sick. Like poison. As if… It could ruin my life.

So I don't smile back.

She looks around and sees no one so she slaps me.

"You never show respect like you should, to your elders!"

_I'm not the one hitting you._

She glares at me.

"I'll hit you so hard your mouth will come off."

_You mean it's possible to hit harder than you did last time?_

I glare.

She slaps.

I whimper and stand up. I can't take it anymore.

I walk away, and I plan to never see her again.

Until she grabs my arms and pushes me against the wall.

Lucky for her, the office workers have ran out to get a small lunch. Unlucky for her, InuYasha just happened to be walking by when she started abusing me worse.

She pulled my hair and hit my head against the wall mutable times, as if she was trying to kill me.

I cry tears of anger and pain and glare at her.

I was so angry, it surprised me when strong arms grabbed her off of me and threw her to the side, unconscious. So surprised that…

I slapped him with all my might.

Oh what a strong might.

He fell back slightly, but turned to me and looked at me with understanding.

"Kagome, come with me… I won't hurt you."

He puts out his hand and looks at me.

"I promise you I won't."

I promise you… 

"_I promise you Kagome, I will get you out of this place!"_

"_I promise you Kagome, she won't touch you!"_

"_I promise you Kagome, your mom will come back to you!"_

"_I promise I'll always love you, Kagome!"_

Lies…

I put my hands to my head and stare at the ground.

LIES!

No body tells me the truth! They all hurt me! They can't make promises that are kept. They're always broken! How can I trust him? How can I accept his 'promise'?

Broken promises… My life is a broken promise…

"I'm your father. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, Akikyo." Kagome's grandfather walks up to her mom and grabs her and takes her against her will.

"_I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."_

Broken promise… It brought me here…

"You're my one and only love, Kagome. I'll always love you. I promise."

_One week later, Aritomo walks off with another girl._

"_I don't love you anymore, Kagome. Back off."_

Broken promise… It ruined my ability to love…

"You're mom will come back soon. She can't be away from you too long. I promise you."

_Kagome's mom never comes back. _

Broken promise… It destroyed my hopes…

"Kagome… trust me… I won't hurt you." He reaches for my hand again. I look at him with a look of fear for his promise.

He gives me a reassuring smile and keeps his hand out for me to take.

So I take it and he pulls me out of the school to a place outside, hiding from the officials.

"Come with me for a while. I'll keep you safe."

I can't nod or anything. This time he simply takes me.

And I'm okay with it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I sit on his bed silently, looking around.

His room isn't a mess. I respect that.

I look around at the pictures. So many beautiful people. I wonder who each one is, but I couldn't ask. I didn't have my things. So there was no notebook.

I jump as he walks back in and smiles at me.

"I'm sorry about just taking you like that. I just wanted to make sure she couldn't hurt you anymore. Has she always been like that?"

I look at the ground.

I can't speak to him. And I don't know if I'm ready to tell him about what happened long ago.

I'm almost sure by now it's obvious. But I'm not sure, so I won't speak of it in my mind. My mind doesn't like to believe it. My mind cringes at the memories that come through when I talk about it.

I run my hand through my hair. Suddenly it's as if I can feel old, crusted blood in it. It makes me shiver, and then I realize he's looking at me, waiting for an answer.

So I shake my head no.

He walks over to me and hands me a note book.

"Write what you feel. If you want me to know the feelings, show me. If not, don't show me. I won't read what you don't want me to read." He sits beside me and watches me.

I start writing, and I realize that he's not watching what I write. He's watching me.

His eyes are staring at me. Suddenly I can feel all of my imperfections, seeping in to the core of my body. Suddenly I feel as if I'm not normal. As if… I'm terribly ugly, being watched by this.. perfect angel.

So I write it down.

It is what I feel, after all.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

My page of feelings has come to an end. I turn to him and he smiles.

"I won't read it if you don't want me to."

I nod and keep the note book in my hand. I don't want him to read it.

"I understand." He touches my shoulder and jumps when the phone rings. "I'll get that."

I watch him walk to the phone and then stare at my book. In what seems no time, he comes running up stairs to me.

"Kagome… hide. The orphanage is here to take you."

I feel a pull in my heart as my breath gets louder. The thought of returning there frightens me. What they'll do to me for allowing him to hurt my old caretaker, and for running away. Surely they'll hurt me badly for that. I can't help but be scared.

I look at him as he watches me, fear in his eyes as well.

"Kagome… don't you want to escape from them?"

I look at him.

I _do _want to escape from them… But now isn't the time… I'm not supposed to escape from them and be with him. It isn't what my heart says is supposed to happen… And I follow my heart. And… if I'm not with them… I can't figure out my mother anymore. And even though I hate her, I want to know everything I can about her.

So I stand up and walk downstairs. I want them to find me. Because…

I don't love InuYasha.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

They took me.

They snatched me right out of his house, and I left him. He stood there, gaping. He couldn't believe I had given myself back to them. I frankly can't believe it now that I'm sitting here, in this car, getting yelled at by three ladies. Why did my heart tell me this was right?

How could making my life horrible be right?

But my heart knows best… seeing as my mom didn't.

I jump when my caretaker touches my arm.

"Would you like to learn more about your mom?"

I nod. Of course.. Even if I don't love her.

"Then coming with us was the right decision. We know everything about her. But then again… maybe we won't tell you."

I sigh. It was too good to be true.

I could have noticed that by how her hand felt when she touched my arm.

Suddenly I missed InuYasha… but I realized why my heart said it was the right thing.. at least half of the reason…

My heart _knew _that everything about my mom was going to be found in the orphanage. My heart felt it. More than anything, I want to know all about her…

What made her tick…

What she was feeling when she got pregnant with me…

Why exactly she left me…

Why she hasn't ever said anything to me…

Why she had to be my mother, instead of some loving lady who smells of fresh cookies all the time.

She isn't my mother.

Because I know nothing of her…

And as long as I know nothing…

I can't truly know myself… accept myself… and…

Love _myself._

Again with the short chapter… I'm sorry! I just hope it's really good… I already have chapter three planned out… So… Review and I'll update!


	3. What does Sesshomaru know?

That night, I realize, possibly too late, that I left my journal at InuYasha's house. The one with all of my feelings. It's not that I think he'll purposely read it… It's just… When I stood up, it fell… and I'm not sure if it was left open or not…

I lay down and try to sleep it off.

Besides…

He probably wouldn't read it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

InuYasha sat down on his bed. He couldn't believe she had left… But he felt like all he could do was act like he understood her.

'I sound so foolish… like one of those guys in love with a girl… But I don't love her. I feel pity for her.'

He looked at the ground.

'_What is that?' _He picks up the open book on the ground.

"Her feelings… from earlier." He looks it over and decides to read it. There's nothing more he wants then to understand her.

_Pain… I feel pain. She left me, as if I had raped her myself!_

_Anger… I feel anger! Boiling within my stomach is the evil power of anger! I want to strangle every living thing when someone pisses me off…_

_Restraint. I have restraint. When I want to strangle these people, I remind myself that I don't really know how my mother was. So I restrain it._

_Sadness. I feel sad for losing the one thing I might have really needed in this life. The one simple thing that could save me from the Devil._

_Owned. I feel like I'm owned by the Devil himself for the demonic feelings I allow to cook inside me. Burn them, he whispers, burn those deadly sins! Lust, envy, vanity… All of them… BURN THEM!_

_Burning… Inside me, I feel a burning match that lights when I'm around him… InuYasha… the man I might be able to open up to… Someday, maybe I'll love him. But someday, I believe, is a day that will never come._

_Not in my life time._

InuYasha stares at the page for a while and then closes it.

'I might know how to relate to her… I think I need to talk with Sesshomaru.'

InuYasha stands up and walks to the room next door, ready to face his brother.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I'm determined! I will find out all about my mother!

I sigh as my confident streak passes. I walk to the book shelves and search for books on emotions.

It's weekend, and I managed to get out of the orphanage to go to the library. I feel this dire urge to learn to understand what my mother might have been feeling when she got raped. It would be too hard for me to ask questions about her now. So I'll start by understanding her situation.

I just hope it works.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

InuYasha knocked on his brothers door and opened it when he got no response.

"What do you want, InuYasha?" Sesshomaru doesn't even glance at him, and keeps looking at the book in front of him.

"I'm here about Kagome Akito."

"Who?" Sesshomaru looks up at InuYasha this time, but no expression could be read on his face.

"You might recognize the last name… 'Higurashi'?"

Sesshomaru straightens up in his chair and sits in a regal position.

"What do you wish to know about the Higurashis?"

"Everything."

Sesshomaru shifts slightly.

"Everything is a lot of stuff, InuYasha." He spits out his half brothers name with hate, but is willing to speak of the story that he knows of the Higurashi family.

"Try me."

Sesshomaru sighs.

"Akikyo Higurashi was raised in a nice family. She didn't ask for too much from anyone. At least, this I noticed in the few years I knew her for. I was only about 11 years old when she got raped. I heard about it through my parents, who knew everything about everyone. I felt bad for her. I guess that pity drew me toward her. I spoke with her about how she felt. She was extremely angered. But she grew to enjoy what her father would do to her at night. Before, she detested it. It wasn't until he raped her for the fifth time, that she got pregnant.

"Inside her was a child. She knew that. But she wanted to get an abortion more than anything. But the morals she was raised upon wouldn't let her do that. I would speak to her, and she'd tell me everything she felt. She felt pain and anger. She felt betrayed. She had brought it upon herself, and yet she hadn't.

"In the end, Akikyo decided that giving her baby girl up would be the best thing to do. Keeping her would only cause problems. I told her it was wise, but questioned her on where she'd place her child. She only gave me a sigh as a response and walked away. I couldn't follow her, seeing as I didn't care too much about what she did. But I did wonder what she planned to do.

"It wasn't that she didn't love her child. She did. She just didn't know what to do with her. She would constantly remind her of her father and his evil deeds. A constant reminder of her mistakes. She sometimes imagined what life would be like… if she could simply kill herself… Slit her wrists with a sharp knife and watch them bleed like crazy. Then she'd fall to her knees, and she told me that when she falls to her knees, she'll be smiling. Smiling because finally, she'll have escaped.

"This didn't happen though. Akikyo is still alive. But after she gave birth, she ran away. She couldn't take it. Her daughter was left in the hospitals care, but they decided to take her to the local orphanage. They only left her with a few pieces of information. Lies, of course.

"They told her that her mom was raped by her father, hated it, but ended up pregnant, and then gave birth, left her alone, and ran back to her father for more. This isn't what a little girl should hear." Sesshomaru looks at InuYasha.

"I'm assuming the reason you asked was because of that girl… Kagome?"

"Yes Sesshomaru… It bothered me… I wanted to know. That would explain why Kagome is so dark…" InuYasha stares at the ground and then turns to the door. "Thanks anyways." He walks out and shuts Sesshomaru's door.

Sesshomaru watches him leave and turns to his desk and stares at it.

"_Sesshomaru! Come here! Come see my beautiful child!" _

_Sesshomaru ran to Akikyo's side and looked through the glass at the chubby-faced baby. Akikyo sighed and smiled at him._

"_I only wish I could stay here and tell her the truth. But it would only cause both of us problems. She'll just have to grow up thinking her mother is a hooker or something. I just wish her the best." Sesshomaru watches as she blows a kiss at the child._

"_I promise you, Akikyo, I'll watch over your child. No matter how I must do it, she'll always be safe." Sesshomaru watches as Akikyo runs away, far from that place, never to return… for a long time._

Sesshomaru stares at the picture on his desk of Akikyo.

"I promised you. And now… InuYasha will fulfill that promise."

He smiles softly at it and picks it up.

"If it makes you feel any better, Akikyo…………." He pauses.

"She has your eyes."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I sigh and lay down the book. I've found five books on dark emotions, and not one of them helped me at all.

"Excuse me miss, but someone is here for you." The librarian taps my shoulder gently and I stand up and walk over to the counter.

My caretaker is standing there, smiling.

"Come on Kagome, time to leave." She grabs my hand and pulls me out.

The librarian simply watches and shrugs.

I sigh and get into the car and wait until we get back.

"Did you have fun, Kagome?"

I nod.

"Good. Now you can go back to the orphanage and ask around. Don't be scared. Some of the teachers actually _like _you."

I look at her and sigh. I'd never be able to figure out who.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

We arrived at the orphanage in no time, and she sent me off in the direction of one of the teachers.

I sigh as I knock on the door to one of the teachers' rooms.

It takes a minute before she answers, and when she does she gives me a smile.

"Hello, miss Kagome. What have you got to say?"

I look at her and take out the paper I brought to talk with. I write on it as fast as I can, noticing her watch me.

I want to know about my mother.

She reads it and looks at me.

"You want to know about Akikyo…"

I nod my head.

"Well… Akikyo Higurashi was normal. Until she got raped. I remember the news talking about something similar to it. Everyone around here knew she had gotten raped by her father. She was mortified at her reputation. But after the first time he raped her, she craved it. She wanted it. She'd craw into his room and demand it of him.

"Of course he'd go along with it. He enjoyed any girl he could get his hands on. That's why you're lucky you don't know him.

"She got pregnant after the third time they did this, and got even more mortified. She wanted to abort you more than anything, but wasn't allowed too because her mom wanted a grandchild, even in the circumstance. So she dealt with you.

"When she gave birth to you, she ran off. But when she ran off, she found she still wanted him. This brought her back for two more years. Then she moved away for her career, but forgot about you all together."

The teacher looks at me.

"I'm sorry that she's so terrible."

I shake my head at her apology and walk away.

I'm not sure what my heart was feeling… And the only sign that it felt something was…

When that tear fell down my cheek.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

After being told about the true story, I decided to think about it more. Everyone I've ever spoken to has said the same thing.

She's horrible.

And I believe it.

I believe she is the spawn of the Devil. What leads me to this conclusion?

Well me of course.

I'm her daughter… I'm exactly like her… All that I'll ever do is cause pain for everyone who knows me. It pains me to feel that way… and yet it's so true.

'You have your mothers cruel, devilish eyes.'

I used to hear that a lot. I'm so used to it, I just ignore it.

With a final thought, I feel my eyelids drop and shade my eyes from the air as I drift to a world where everything is pink and happy. My false reality lives in my dreams.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

InuYasha scans the students as they enter the school grounds, searching for Kagome. She seems to be no where nearby.

She's so mysterious… 

He finds that his mind slowly drifts to the thoughts of Kagome herself- and the way she slowly seduces him without words.

Futile words of an insecure mind… She proves that they aren't needed.

With a shake of his head, InuYasha realizes what happened and stands up straight.

"InuYasha, you're spacing out!" He stares at the parking lot and ignores the looks he receives from passing students.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I sigh. This morning was the same as the last. Dreadful and loud.

I rub my ear at the memory of the shrill screeches my caretaker so kindly placed in my ears and walk the rest of the way to school.

Upon my arrival there, though, I noticed InuYasha. What could he possibly be waiting for?

I walk up and tap him on the shoulder. I give a small smirk when he jumps and stares at me.

"Kagome, I have much to discuss with you!"

I stare at him for a moment and then tilt my head as if saying 'go right ahead'. He grabs my hand and pulls me inside to a hidden wall in the school. Confused, as I always am, I watch him.

"Kagome, I know everything about what happened with your mom."

I stare at him.

_How?_

I watch as he sighs and hands me my notebook.

"It was open and I read your feelings. It made me think… and then I realized… You're mom knew my brother."

This time my mouth opens as I nod, wanting to hear more. Half of me believes him… The other half says he doesn't really care enough to know these things.

As he starts to open his mouth to tell me more, the bell rings loud. He sighs and pulls me to the hall way.

"We have Science together first period. Meet up with me during prep period and I'll share more."

I sigh and nod and we slowly walk to Science.

A lot of things are on my mind right now.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ms. Kagura has once again decided to make us work on our projects in class. I hate working on things around all the gossipy girls, but as the teacher wishes, I must do.

InuYasha takes out all of the supplies he has and watches me as I stare at an empty folder.

"You have nothing?"

I pull out my notebook.

My caretaker doesn't like me using the internet. She said I'll find out too much that way.

He stares at the words and growls slightly.

"I hate that you have to go through this."

I shrug. This is how it always is…

I watch him as he pulls out a small notebook and writes something down.

"Soon, Kagome, you'll be free."

I ignore the comment and start writing a paper from his research. I need to do more work.

I don't need my partner hating me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

One class period later, and I'm with InuYasha yet again

He smiles at me carefully and sits down.

"My brother, as I said, knew your mom. A long time ago, he was the little boy she would always speak to when she needed comfort. He told me of how much your mother loved you. He said that when she had to leave, she blew a kiss at you. She was happy to have you, but she didn't want you to have to deal with her. She loved you, Kagome."

I stare at him.

I do not, by any chance, believe him. And I never will.

That's not true. You're brother is lying.

I stand up before he speaks and walk away.

I can't believe stories like that anymore. I can't believe anything.

I've even started to think that my name might not even be Kagome.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Sorry, I got grounded.. -.- Well.. Hope this chapter is ok… I know it's not great.. But I got some plans… I wanted to put them in here, but it's too early… Please keep reading!**


	4. Hell takes it's toll

Her long slender legs carried her body around town as her feet prodded softly against the side walk. Accustomed to being stared at but not really noticed, she felt a wave of shock as she realized that there had been a man following her ever since her decent off the subway tram to the underground mall near the narrow hall ways. His intent was unknown, but it was obvious that he was eyeing her and noticed she was there, instead of staring blindly without recognition. It made her body tremble as she stopped and watched out of the corner of her eye to see him cautiously stop along with her, acting preoccupied with a rack of magazines at the Yurindo book store.

She continued walking forward down the walk way and slipped silently into a small crafts store, watching as he put down the Current Japanese Soap Opera magazine and headed towards her final destination. He treaded the ground over to her side of the store and stood nearby her analyzing the figurines of cute little creatures that looked innocent, but were dangerous on their TV shows in which they were based from.

"So when are you going to speak to me? Or do you wish to follow me longer in silence?" She turned towards him and watched his facial features stay hardened and determined as he thought over her words.

"Basking in your presence is far better than your words. It seems a voice gains it's edge and coldness after years of isolation."

She grimaced at him. "You look oddly familiar, and yet I can't place your face with anyone I've ever known before…"

He stepped towards her and held out his hand. "Nice to see you, Akikyo. I never suspected to find you in a subway. I was actually seeking to find you at a dignified store… But I guess expecting too much of you is not the right path to venture…"

She simply stared at him.

"What might your name be, young man?"

"Sesshoumaru. I'm sure you know me very well, miss."

She gasped in acknowledgement and threw her arms around his neck.

"How happy I am to see you! I missed you Sesshoumaru, darling!"

He smiled some what and pulled away from her.

"We shouldn't give people the wrong idea, Akikyo. Remember, we are both neglected parts of the society as it is." His face faltered for one millisecond, which was long enough for the young, observant woman to notice.

"What is your real reasoning for stalking me? It obviously wasn't for the reunion."

He nodded.

"Your daughter seems to have lost all faith. Her foster parents… They recently passed away. She's alone in the dreaded orphanage once again. She was abused there once… but I couldn't save her without being questioned… that's why I sent that kind family to her. And they loved her, Akikyo, just as you would have! But what has she now other than my brother protecting her? Akikyo, she needs love. Any kind of love, just give it to her if you wish to see your daughter alive."

Akikyo nodded in response to his words.

"I may have a cold voice, but I have not yet lost my heart. I still want her happy… So tell me how to get her love without confronting her… I don't think she'd like me after the rumors."

"You're correct. She seeks to destroy you. But I sense she likes my brother at least a little bit. Get them together as best as you can.. maybe that would help."

She laughed lightly and brushed the bangs out of his face.

"I won't help my daughter into a relationship of the sorts…"

"Please? It would not only make her happy, it would get InuYasha off my back. If he was with her always, he wouldn't say anything to me ever again, and that's exactly how I want it! Please get them liking each other, if not loving."

"My daughter isn't going to fall in love…"

"I know… But my brother will, and he can convince her of anything soon enough. He has her wrapped around his finger, some what."

She snorted.

"My daughter takes after me. She wouldn't bow down to any man for anything."

"He loves her already. He doesn't ask her to. He wants to help her… I hate him being so honorable… But it's true… So help them both for the sake of my weakening back! Get InuYasha occupied!"

Akikyo was being commanded by a man that never showed emotions, and couldn't help but feel warmed to the core by this as he expressed hatred and caring. He had allowed himself to care for not only her, but her flesh and blood. No matter how evil her heart was slowly turning, she felt confident at that moment.

"I will make her love him… If you insist…"

"Good, because not only do I insist. I demand it of you."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I rolled onto my side and opened my eyes. It was almost time for me to get up. Being lazy was so fun though… It was then that I bolted up straight.

I remembered! InuYasha had hurt me! Broken my memories and lied about my mother! She was by no means a 'great' person! She abandoned me!

I stumbled over the edge of my bed and walked to the small cubicle of a bathroom and washed my face, growling louder than I thought as soon as another girl walked up behind me.

"Are you like… okay? 'Cause you were like… growling or something."

I turned my head to the female behind me and realized how familiar she looked. She was my age… which meant she probably went to my school. But just who was she?

I nodded to answer her question.

"Okay, good 'cause if you have rabies or something, I ain't needing to get them, so just like… Don't get them."

Illiterate?

Stupid?

_Blonde?_

The last thought made me release a small 'heh' because her hair was the darkest shade of black I had ever set my eyes on. My release of amusement attracted her attention to me, though.

"What's funny?"

I shook my head in response again. Shouldn't she know I'm mute by now? Aren't I known very well as the mute girl?

"Whatever, move so I can use the sink, kay?"

I stood there and turned so that our bodies were facing each other and I stared into her eyes, angry that she felt she could command me.

"Ew, oh my gosh… Are you like… one of those lesbians?"

I couldn't help but move my hand to grace her face gently before pulling back and slapping her and walking out of the cubicle silently. I turned only once to watch her growl and head towards the sink, wanting so desperately to yell out '_Don't get rabies!'_ but if I did, all the years of striving to keep silent would be in vein.

Besides… at this point in time, my voice would probably crack due to it's lack of use. I feel sorry for the bloke that may have to hear me sing someday. Haha, as if I'd ever suffice to that.

Right?

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"How can I ever get my un loving daughter to fall for a man like InuYasha…? Especially when I'm the object of her most hated thoughts." Kagome's mother pondered to herself while padding her feet on the cement grounds, wishing she had formed a plan with Sesshoumaru. "I only have sick ideas that would work… But they would also make her mad… Then again… I am trying to become cold… So that I never regret my decisions…" She stopped as a couple walked past her so she didn't look like a lunatic speaking to herself and continued thinking. "Yes… I can do that… I'll have to…"

She took off running in strong hopes of finding Sesshoumaru so that she could speak of her plan.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I couldn't help but notice all of the mobs around school as I approached the doors. And it wasn't hard to figure out why they were there.

"A fight." Sango's answer of confirmation to my obvious question. I nodded and watched as two boys danced around each other. A faint sound of 'C'mere if you aren't afraid!' was heard. I couldn't help but wonder what the difference was. If he wasn't afraid he'd attack the other guy too, wouldn't he? Aw, I didn't give a crap anymore about our fights. The boys were just being idiotic. As soon as they did manage to hit the other, the security would always be there to stop it and then they'd be friends the next day.

Morons.

I shook my head and walked past the commotion and into the building, followed by Sango.

"Ya know… Kagome… I've been thinking…"

I stopped walking and looked at her, my attention committed to her conversation starter. I pulled out my notebook from the back of my bag just in case my thoughts were needed.

"Miroku… he's not that bad a guy… is he?"

I shook my head, not knowing much about him to begin with. I might have lied to her, but he seemed nice enough to me. A pervert, yeah, but we all need love in this world.

"So you agree? I was imagining… well… I had a dream about him last night." Sango spoke with a faint blush staining her cheeks. It was _cute._ "He said he loved me in the dream and took my hand… he asked me to bear his children… and to date him… and I said yes in my dream! I think I'm in love with-"

"Good morning ladies!" She stopped and blushed even more, confusing him. I watched as he slid over to me and put an arm around my shoulder. He leaned his face towards my ear and spoke in a smooth, seductive voice.

"Is she sick?"

I laughed inwardly and nodded vigorously, happy to be getting along with people.

"Ew, Sango stay away from me!"

She stared at me.

"Kagome, what did you say?"

He laughed and hugged her, making me giggle a crinkly and worn out giggle as she blushed red all over her body.

"Kagome said nothing wrong. Just calm down malady. I love you Sango." I watched as his hand lowered to her behind. "Will you bear my children?"

I watched as her blush grew darker and laughed when Miroku pulled his hand away from hers because the contact of skin was too hot for him, but still he brought his hand to her backside.

"Y-ye-"

He had done it. He had grabbed her ass, still smiling his adorable smile at her. All I had to do was watch her sparkling eyes turn to flaming eyes and I knew it was time to turn my head lest I wanted to witness a murder.

And alas, a loud smack was heard throughout the whole hall. Hell, a nuclear explosion couldn't have had such a sound- or such fierce anger!

I opened my eyes to see what was happening, but I was quickly dragged down the hall.

"I hate perverted men…", mumbled Sango, distressed and irritated that her beloved was 'less-than-perfect'. I thought it was cute… Perhaps I found too many things cute now…

…………………………………………………………………………………………

After an uneventful morning, I ended up back in first period Science. InuYasha wasn't absent like I had been praying for all day. He was here, and he kept his eyes on me.

"Kagome… Please listen to me… What I said is the truth!"

I simply kept my body turned away from him, but not for long. Ms. Kagura had other plans.

"Get in your pairs everyone. Today is collaboration day. I want you to all plan for how you're going to present your project."

What project? As far as InuYasha and I were concerned, there was no time for research. My mind flickered to a certain dream I had had before he hurt me. How careful and gentle his hands had been… How he kept his weight from crushing me… How his lips…

No Kagome! Snap out of it! I'm clearly going crazy if I honestly believe that that dream meant crap. I could never feel affection for such a betraying bastard.

_How did he betray you Kagome?_

He told me my mom was a good person! She couldn't have been!

_Wasn't he looking out for you rather than himself?_

I couldn't answer my own question this time… and it worried me.

Was I growing repulsive? Ignorant to the truth? But didn't George Orwell state…

'_Ignorance is strength'_?

Was I strong for believing InuYasha was out to hurt me? Or am I being plain stupid?

I decided not to answer that. I feared I'd dislike the answer.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"It's crazy Sesshoumaru… And maybe it's not worth it… But we could… set them up…" She stared at Sesshoumaru who seemed concerned, knowing that whatever her plan was had to be as bad as she had said. "A friend of mine… he'll start to… force my Kagome into stuff… and you'll lead InuYasha to the spot… and InuYasha can save her and look like the hero she can depend upon with her life. It's possible!"

Sesshoumaru grimaced.

"You'd let someone rape your own daughter? How cruel…"

"But he won't! He'll start to… scare her! He'll scare her… and she'll cry out for InuYasha after he saves her! She'll want him at all times… Just keep hidden after you bring him there… It can work!"

Sesshoumaru grunted and stared at the ground, considering.

"What is… your friends name…?"

"Naraku… and I assure you it's strictly professional! Because he's my boyfriend… He won't go too far… he'll just… tease her a little…"

"Won't it hurt her emotionally?" Sesshoumaru decided to remain oblivious to the fact that Naraku meant 'hell' and went along with her strange plan for matchmaking.

"That's why she'll feel connected to InuYasha!"

He sighed and nodded, understanding her thought pattern and dearly hoped it was out of the goodness in her heart and not the part of her that was slowly turning cold and distant. He watched her pull out her old cell phone as she quickly dialed a number.

"Yes, beloved. I need your assistance."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I took in a deep breath, glad I could keep from responding to InuYasha all day. During out time to work, he realized I was upset and decided not to question me, because he understands me… some-what. Not enough for me to accept him.

I halted as I walked, feeling uneasy about something I smelled in the air. Deceit? Pain? _Salt? _

I walked forward a little ways and stopped by a small alley-way. There was a man pouring salt all around him. What the hell was he thinking?

I couldn't help but approach the appealing man. Silently. Swiftly.

A death defying stunt, walking towards a lunatic, really. I must be stupid.

But I walked anyways.

I had no control over my feet.

I didn't feel like it was in my will to have control over them, either.

I owed this to someone.

Revenge… for something…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"InuYasha, come with me. I have something to show you." Sesshomaru watched his brother as he sulked on the couch.

"No. I don't have time to see your foolish things. I'm thinking about the Kagome case…"

"Come off of it. I really need to show you this. It may change your life. It's… inspiring… Please come." Sesshoumaru slowly grew impatient, knowing that Naraku wasn't going to stop his actions until they arrived.

"I can't! What if she got hurt again?"

"Just come InuYasha, now!" Sesshoumaru started to lose all composure as he walked over to the couch.

"Fine, but if she's hurt I blame it on you!"

"But it is not me who is to blame."

"Excuse me?"

Sesshoumaru ignored this and grabbed his arm, dragging him outside and down the street.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"You really are rather pretty…" I watched as the man put his cold hand against my cheek. What was he planning? Who was he?

I reached behind me and pulled out my notebook..

_Thank you… But what were you doing with the salt?_

"Ah that… I was trying to… keep safe from witches?"

_And might I be that witch?_

"No, doll face, you're not. To be honest… I was trying to gain your attention."

_Why mine and not someone else?_

"Because I've seen them all…" His rough voice didn't match his smooth face as his mouth glided with his words. Surreal was a beauty he contained, but what was this dark feeling that drove my mind crazy?

His hand reached for the bottom of my shirt swiftly. I had no time to protest because he had thrown my notebook down and pushed me against the wall all in one motion. I stared at him with glassy eyes.

Why did everyone betray me? Even people I wanted to be friendly with?

I turned my head and stared at my arms which he had pinned up against the wall. He grinned at me almost evilly and pulled my shirt off with little effort.

What kind of rape attempt was this? He was too gentle, and I didn't even know him!

But still he kept on, pulling at all of my bits of clothing until they tore off. Nothing too much of a bother. I had too many outfits anyways. My only problem was being there naked under his gaze. His hands were gifted, I admit it. He trailed his fingers gently down my stomach, sure to tickle the tender center as he slowly moved his fingers lower and massaged and tapped places I'd never imagined being even thought of before! It was a great sensation at first… But that was the magic that came before the pain of an unwanted member that he revealed to me as his pants fell down.

In pure disgust, I turned my head, wishing I could protest, but willing to not protest due to my vow of silence. He grabbed my hands and placed them on his hips before moving in closer to me, slowly slipping himself inside of me. My body was willing to resist him, but it couldn't. I was too weak to move away from him. He chuckled darkly and crushed me against the wall as he moved in and out like a needle and thread. He leaned his head close to my neck and slowly left behind a trail of wet kisses, butterflies that fluttered down my chest and back up to the tender skin below my jaw. Once again, he pulled himself out of me.

My head went back automatically in response to his actions as I let out a tiny whimper… or was it a moan? It was so much like my dream… And I could have sworn I'd seen a flash of silver…

Help me InuYasha… Help me just this once… 

I was helpless under his hard body, and couldn't resist when his lips crushed down on mine, parting my lips forcefully with his tongue.

Where was my innocence going?

_On a trip Kagome. _

_Your mom is on a trip for a few days. She'll be back eventually._

Deceiving me… all of them… everyone!

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Hurry your ass up, InuYasha!" Sesshoumaru watched his brother stumble behind him, staring at the ground. He shook his head and continued walking, stopping outside a salty smelling alley-way. InuYasha must have noticed to, for he was quick to cover his nose and to glance down the alley.

"K… Kagome! It's Kagome!" Sesshoumaru watched as he ran and hit the man-Naraku- in the back. "Stop hurting her!" Naraku pulled away from Kagome and caught site of Sesshoumaru, nodding ever so slightly before pulling out of her and turning to InuYasha.

"of what importance is it to you?"

InuYasha looked over his shoulder at Kagome who was crying silently, moving her lips to inaudible words.

_Lies…_

He read it off of her lips.

Lies… She was lied to…

InuYasha growled and grabbed the mans long hair, pulling him down to the ground.

"How dare you! Never touch her again!"

The man looked up at InuYasha.

"What? Will you… kill me?"

InuYasha moved and stomped on his chest.

"If I must! I should do away with you now! But I do hold sympathy! So you run, and hope we don't find out your name!"

Sesshoumaru mumbled.

"Naraku."

InuYasha turned towards Sesshoumaru as Naraku pushed him off of him, picked up his pants and ran down the street. InuYasha jumped and started to chase after him, being stopped by Sesshoumaru.

"I'll handle it. You take care of the girl." InuYasha nodded and ran over to Kagome. Sesshoumaru watched and slowly turned to follow the 'Hell' that had run away.

"Kagome… Kagome are you alright?"

She tilted her head and gave him a side ways glance, questioning with her eyes if he had saved her.

He nodded and pulled her naked body against him, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"Don't worry, Kagome… you're safe with me…" He blushed slightly as her arms encircled him, and watched her snuggle her face into his chest. "Perhaps you'd like your clothes…?"

She shook her head, looking up at him.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Of course I didn't want my clothes… I was warm in his embrace, and moving out of it would have made me feel vulnerable to that man again. I couldn't stand it. Love, intimate relationships, _salty betrayal._ Hell, I decided in InuYasha's arms that none of it was for me. None of it. And so it would be forever more.

Kagome Akito will never love. Never ever will she suffice to what InuYasha seemed to so desperately want.

So why couldn't I let go of him, even when he had cooed into my ear that I needed to put some clothes on so that he could carry me home without people staring? Why had I forced him to carry me home, holding my clothes over me instead of putting them on while I clung to his neck?

Falling in love was not the answer to those questions.

Falling into hell…

I was betraying myself.

Hell.

That's where I was headed.

**Sorry it took so long. And so many plot holes to fill in… Sorry… and yes.. rape… I had to put something in here. I had no plans at all… and now I have tons! But they wouldn't be possible without the rape her mom had set forth. Her mom is slowly turning evil, as was hinted at many times. Keep that in mind. She may become totally evil… But as of now, she's just trying too hard… Please review! **


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